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ABC promises balance
Mickey Mouse announced his resignation from Disney today, stunning fans.
"Minnie and I don't know where we're going to go," Mickey said. "But, heck no! We won't help them lie to America. C'mon, Pluto!"
"We miss Walt," Minnie added as they left. "He made people laugh."
Disney-owned ABC rejected the Mouse family's accusations of bias in its most recent documentary, titled "The path of the stingray from Clinton."
"No one has seen the final film," said network representative Peter Pete. "Allegations of bias are premature and irresponsible."
Conservatives who've seen the film applaud the scenes of bias.
Supports Disney
"While national security advisor Sandy Berger was taking dresses to the cleaners for Monica Lewinsky," said advance viewer Rush Limbaugh, "We see scenes of the stingray lazily sunning itself in the open sea."
"Friends, Steve Irwin would be alive today if it were not for President Hillary and her First Husband. Hah-ha-ha-ha-hah."
Sources say Donald Duck is also considering a resignation. Goofy left late last week, citing only a desire to "spend more time with my son, Max."
But other staff have rushed to Disney's defense.
"We can certainly trust ABC to provide a balanced documentary," said Disney actress Ursula Seewidge.
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