Mexican banditos may get amnesty for service in NSA

Bandito leader advises Cheney and Bush

The White House has asked the INS to stop deportations of Mexican banditos, citing their service in the War against Terror™.

Ordinary Mexican workers will continue to be deported when convenient to the American businesses that enticed them here.

"America owes a debt to these brave villains," said an anonymous source shortly before disappearing. "Even after 9/11, we simply could not find a judge that would grant a blanket warrant for constant surveillance of all Americans."

"The banditos pointed out that we do not need any 'stinking warrants.'"

Both the House and Senate have passed legislation that would grant amnesty to the banditos, in recognition of their expected contributions to American political parties.

After the secret bandito-spy program was leaked to the press, both houses also announced plans to investigate ... the leak.

Meanwhile, most phone companies have denied giving Americans' phone records to Mexican banditos.

"The NSA has asked us to say that we have not given phone records to Mexican banditos working for the NSA," said Verizon CEO Ivan Seidenberg. "All of our remaining employees will swear to the absence of thick fiber-optic cables leading from our call center to Fort Meade."