Kunta Kinte advises caution on "guest worker" program

Kinte advises caution

America's last-living guest worker advised caution Saturday to undocumented immigrants who might consider applying for guest-worker status.

"Guest workers are good for business owners," said Kunta Kinte in a talk at Stanford University. "But not so good for workers, guest or otherwise."

"At least these 'guests' would have the choice of going home," Kinte said.

Kinte was invited by Stanford's school of engineering to speak on the effect of random field fluctations on temporal travel.

"That's racism, pure and simple," replied radio host Bill Bennet, who knows a thing or two about racism. "And it's ungrateful. If Kinte had not the opportunity to learn English as a guest worker, he never would have faked his death, become an engineer, built a time machine, and joined Star Fleet."

Asked about Bennet's comments, Kinte would say only that "Bennet appears to be emitting boso radiation."

"You don't have to take my word for it," Kinte said. "You can observe it yourself."

Racism or cheaper workers? You decide

Meanwhile, Republican lawmakers are split on the issue. Senators would like to count guest workers as three-fifths of a voter. House members would like to count guest workers in prison.

None of this makes presidential advisor Karl Rove happy.

"The Republican party must move on from the racism of the past," Rove said to cross-burning party members. "Homophobia is the exploitable hatred of today."

Bringing outsourcing home

President Bush defended his guest worker proposal in an appearance Sunday.

"America needs these cheaper workers," Bush said. "American businesses already hire more than 10 million 'guests' each year. Think how many they'll be able to hire when it's legal!"

Bush promised that guest workers would be treated well.

"We will not treat guest workers as second-class citizens," promised Bush. "They won't be citizens at all."