FAUX NEWS

 

Yet another pig lipsticked

The latest good-looking pig

Lipstick and makeup have been applied to the latest pig loosed upon the American people by the White House.

"This is quite possibly the most attractive pig I have ever seen," said TV host Sean Hannity, while applying mascara to the pig's eyebrows. "Most Americans are lining up to kiss it."

The pig is the latest of hundreds released by the White House since 2001.

"I fully support the president's pretty pig plethora," said Sen. Joseph Lieberman (D-Conn.), while powdering the pig's jowls with blush.

Thousands of the pigs and their offspring are now roaming the countryside, attacking pets and small children.

"We will be holding investigations," said Sen. Arlen Spector (R-PA), applying nail polish to the pig's hooves, "To determine how to legalize the president's pig program."

Some herds are behaving as if organized, apparently following a pig known as "Napolean."

"I don't believe the polls that show only 34 percent of the American people support the president's pig plan," said radio host Rush Limbaugh, while applying lipstick to the pig's lips. "How could people not support it? I know I'm in hog heaven."

Communications with Arkansas were lost at 0700 EST.

"Critics of the the porcine effort are misinformed," said Vice President Dick Cheney, while picking out earrings for the pig. "Congress gave the president the authority to emit pigs at will."

Hog Chi Minh City is rumored to have nuclear capability.

"The president asks Americans to be patient," said White House spokesperson Scott McClellan. "You will see America improved by this administration when these pigs sprout wings and fly."

RSS feed

Recent stories

2016/05/04 Thing found under rock now presumptive GOP nominee
2016/05/03 Wicked Witch blocks vote on Judge Garland due to typo
2011/03/07 Governor Walker visits Farmer Brown
2006/10/31 Scary characters promised for Nov. 7 Halloween celebration
2006/10/13 Bush stubs toe; blames Clinton
2006/09/25 John McCain eats a bug
2006/09/18 Fighting fascism requires dictatorial powers, fervent nationalism
2006/09/10 Mickey Mouse resigns from Disney
2006/08/28 Pluto leaving Solar System entirely
2006/08/15 Liquids banned; snakes welcomed
2006/07/25 Embryos evacuated safely from Lebanon
2006/06/26 Microsoft to counter growing robot threat
2006/06/17 Alderaan survivors are enjoying homeworld's death, says author
2006/05/30 Mexican banditos may get amnesty for service in NSA
2006/04/24 Aquaman elected mayor of New Orleans
2006/04/17 Kunta Kinte advises caution on 'guest worker' program
2006/03/27 White House toilet clogged by U.S. Constitution
2006/03/13 White House defends spying on Frankenfurter mansion
2006/03/07 Yet another pig lipsticked
2006/02/28 ABC to air Lost retrospective retrospective
2006/02/20 Media unfair to Darth Vader
2006/02/10 Bush orders surveillance of black funerals
2006/02/06 Paris Hilton missing after cruise ship wedding to Scott Peterson
2006/01/30 Oprah summons the full power of the storm
2006/01/23 Plantation owners offended by Clinton's "plantation" remark
2006/01/16 G.O.P. sued for breach of Contract with America
2006/01/11 Nosferatu promises to keep an open mind
2006/01/09 God sues Pat Robertson for slander
2006/01/02 Bush expresses, hires Lowered Expectations

Faux-News Archives