Nosferatu promises to keep an open mind

Nosferatu vents his vants

Supreme Court nominee Nosferatu pledged to consider the issue of bloodsucking with an "open mind."

"As a judge," Nosferatu told the Senate Judiciary Committee, "I vill uphold ... the law."

Democratic senators also asked Nosferatu questions about the involuntary bloodlettings secretly performed by the Bush administration since 9/11.

"No vun is above the law," sidestepped Nosferatu. "Unless, of course, they have turned into a bat!"

Republican senators also had tough questions for the nominee.

"Are you upset with the Democratic questions?" asked Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.). "Can I get you some coffee? Tea? Hemoglobin?"

"Red, no sugar," replied the undead judge.

A few Democrats have suggested they might consider talking about maybe bringing some garlic into the Senate. Possibly.

But Republicans have threatened to respond by banning garlic from the Senate. So to preserve their right to bring garlic into the Senate, Democrats will likely avoid bringing garlic into the Senate.

"Look deeeep into my eyes," Nosferatu told senators during the televised hearing. "Nosferatu deserves an up-or-down vote."

"Nosferatu deserves an up-or-down vote," replied Republican senators, in unison.

"Nosferatu deserves an up-or-down vote," barked right-wing talk-show hosts.

"Nosferatu deserves an up-or-down vote," furiously typed forty thousand fighting keyboardists.

Nosferatu's up-or-down vote is scheduled for two weeks from today, the day after the Judiciary Committee votes in favor of the nomination.