Renegade vets assist escape of John "Hannibal" Murtha

Murtha (center) and accomplices

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A team of renegade Vietnam veterans stormed the U.S. Capitol yesterday, assisting in the escape of Rep. John Murtha (D-Penn.).

"Murtha had questioned the president," said Rep. Jean Schmidt (R-Ohio). "We tried to subdue him with suggestions of senility and cowardice, but nothing would stop him."

Bafflingly, Murtha had claimed that Iraqis no longer wanted our soldiers to occupy their country. He suggested that it was the duty of Congress to speak for the soldiers, not as Democrats or Republicans, but as Americans.

After the laughter had subsided, loyal Republicans grabbed Murtha, planning to hold him up for ridicule during a vote on a parody of his plan for safe withdrawal.

Murtha quickly threw two loyal chickhawks over his shoulder. Still, it looked like sheer numbers would overwhelm the 73-year-old.

"That was when we saw his team of accomplices," Schmidt said. "Rappelling down from the balcony."

The small team reached Murtha quickly. One was overheard to say "I pity the foo' who messes with Jack Murtha."

Then smoke filled the chamber. When it had dissipated, Murtha and the team were gone.

"I think they may have had military experience," Schmidt said. "Judging from what I've seen in movies."

Anyone with information on Murtha's accomplices is encouraged to call Colonel Roderick Decker in the Ministry for Defence.