Boy Scouts headed to Iraq

Timmy Wiggins is excited.

"I'm going to get the Iraq War merit badge!" Timmy told his junior high school newspaper, the Lawndale Weeder.

Rumsfeld inspects the troops

Timmy's Boy Scout troop was one of four hundred called to active duty yesterday.

"I promise to do my duty to God and my country," Timmy said. "As long as I get to watch Teen Titans Saturday night."

Timmy will receive urban warfare training tomorrow night at scoutmaster Hyrum Graf's home.

"I'm confident our boys can defeat the terrorists," Graf said. "They're already good at destroying infrastructure. You should see my rec room."

Timmy's mother, Theresa Wiggins, is proud of her son.

"We support our troops," Theresa said. "Billy, Bobby and little Timmy."

President Bush also praised the scouts.

"I'm proud to stand behind the Boy Scouts as they face the enemy," Bush said Monday.

"I want to promise every scout mother out there that we've tried all other options," Bush said. "We've shipped National Guard members away from the nation they guard. We've increased the maximum enlistment age. We've conscripted those scheduled to leave active duty.

"But enlistments are still dropping and our troops are spread thin. Without the Scouts, we might not be able to invade Iran before the elections. We might have to settle for Syria."

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, himself a former Eagle Scout, promised that Cub Scouts would be staying home.

"If we have a natural disaster here at home, someone will have to fill in for the National Guard," Rumsfeld said. "They're all over in Iraq."

For his part, Timmy isn't worried about his upcoming trip.

"After the last few weeks of Scout activities here at home," Timmy said, "Iraq is starting to look a lot better."