Chicken-loving Muppet leads Bush Supreme Court picks

Gonzo the Great leads the list of potential Supreme Court nominees, according to administration sources.

Judge Gonzo

President Bush and Gonzo became friends during the Bush v. Gore trial in 2000, after Gonzo expressed his strong support for chickens in government.

Democrats have threatened to filibuster. Republicans have threatened to be outraged.

"Judge Gonzo deserves an up-or-down vote," insisted Sen. Bill Frist (R-Tenn.). "Up-or-down vote. Up-or-down vote."

"But what do the American people deserve?" asked Sen. Harry Reid (D-Nev.). "Faced with the lifetime appointment of an unqualified wacko, we think the American people deserve a short, tepid opposition before we inevitably give in."

Some conservative groups have also objected to the potential Gonzo nomination.

"Judge Gonzo is not sufficiently wacko," complained Cathy Adams of the Texas Eagle Forum. "We demand that the patsy ... I mean, the President ... nominate a really extreme right-wing wacko. Someone who will interpret the Constitution strictly as we see fit."

"Uh," responded Reid, "Maybe Gonzo isn't so bad after all."

Potential nominees
to the Supreme Court

Conservative groups may get their wish, however. With Chief Justice Renquist expected to retire soon, the president may balance a wacko nominee with an extremely wacko nominee.

Another potential nominee is Tomas de Torquemada, who would be the first Hispanic on the court. Torquemada has been criticized by left-wing pansies for his support of the Bush administration's prudent use of secret detentions and torture.

Others on the list of potential nominees include William Jennings Bryan, Anthony Comstock, and Dr. Jed Zaius.

For his first appointment to the court, it's not yet clear whether Bush will pick a moderate conservative like Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, or satisfy his supporters with a right-wing wacko like 1987 nominee Robert Bork.

But one TV personality thinks he knows.

The Swedish Chef predicts "Bork, Bork, Bork!"