Bush shines in primetime appearance on ABC's Lost

President Bush's primetime appearance last week on ABC's hit series Lost was praised today by J.J. Abrams, the series' executive producer.

Bush's leadership
forever changes the island

"It was clear," Abrams said, "That the president could not improve on his performance in that episode. His oratorical skills had us all talking. He was fired with enthusiasm."

Bush agreed to join the cast of castaways to share his vision for Social Security to a wider audience than the scripted patsies approved to attend his town-hall meetings.

The president played Georges du Faus, a con man fighting a cocaine addiction after a horrific plane crash.

"The president told us it was a stretch," Abrams said, "But he thought he could pull it off."

In the episode, du Faus advocates dismantling the castaways' nearly complete boat, affectionately christened the SS Checks.

"Each castaway should be allowed to have a private boat," argues du Faus. "Made of mud and weed stalks."

Respected castaway businessman Sawyer (Josh Holloway) graciously agrees to manage the island's stalk market.

Du Faus's argument is interrupted, however, when Sayid (Naveen Andrews) detects mysterious radio signals, repeatedly spiking just before du Faus speaks.

Sayid prepares to triangulate the signals with a device constructed from bamboo, coconuts and Mrs. Howell's earrings. But du Faus convinces some of the castaways to kill Sayid, citing evidence that Sayid has weapons of mass destruction.

"No, no," protests Shannon (Maggie Grace). "What I said was, Sayid is a 'weapon of mass seduction.'"

Adds Shannon, "Yum."

Midway through the episode, many ABC affiliates switched over to a pre-recorded episode of "Fishing with Frank."

"We needed to boost viewer count," said Toledo station manager Trevor McClurian.

Although polling after the show indicated that the cast and crew had voted to throw Bush off the island a la Survivor, GOP transcripts show that they had actually voted to throw off Jack (Matthew Fox), the island's doctor.