DeLay eats child, criticizes press

Press coverage of his family's cannibalism of a small child has been "seedy," said House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-Texas) today.

Rep. Tom DeLay (R-Texas)

"It's just another seedy attempt by the liberal media to embarrass me," said DeLay, eyeing a plump reporter. "It's disgusting."

"Like any other Americans," Delay added, "My wife and daughter have the right to feast on illegal campaign contributions."

The child was contributed to the DeLay campaign in in return for his quid pro toe support for the Federal Neverland Protection Act. The contributor has not yet been identified.

Members of Congress are required to report gifts from lobbyists, but meals of dead human flesh are excluded.

"Frankly," said Rep. Richard Hastings (R-Wash.), new chair of the House ethics committee, "We'd rather not know about it."

Other Republican representatives continue to support DeLay.

"I don't see any wavering of support," said Rep. Joel Hefley (R-Colo.), former chair of the House ethics committee. "Can I have my sister back now, Tom?"

Added Hefly, "And can I have the ethics chair back, Dennis?"

DeLay's criticism is the first known instance in which a Republican has countered coverage of incompetence, corruption or concentrated evil by attacking the press.

Delay also denounced the media for reporting on pictures of his family rolling naked in piles of Russian rubles, urinating on a statue of Lady Justice, and eating at Wendy's.