U.S. captures ben Joseph in Iraq

Terrorist ben Joseph

The U.S. announced Saturday the capture in Iraq of Joshua ben Joseph, a key terrorist in Iraq.

"Ben Joseph has links with al Qaeda," said General John Abizaid, commander of the U.S. Central Command. "Also, with Kevin Bacon."

"When he was captured, he claimed to be merely heading home for the holidays," Abizaid said. "When asked why he was traveling to Bethlehem through Iraq, he said that the Israeli government had denied him a permit to visit the West Bank."

"Israel has not confirmed this denial."

Sources said ben Joseph was identified by elderly informant Nichomed Chalabi, known affectionately in Iraq as "Old Nick."

He nearly escaped after capture, assisted by accomplice U.S. Pfc James Zebedee, now awaiting a military court martial.

Ben Joseph will be transferred to the Guantanamo Bay military detention facility, where he will be held indefinitely without trial, and reasonably tortured.

"I'm thinking urine," said U.S. interrogator Billy Bob Johnson. "Beatings, of course. And then there's Seargent Bertha, who will ... take things into her own hands."

"I love this country," Johnson added.