Faux-News http://www.faux-news.com/ America's most rusted news farce en-us White House defends spying on Frankenfurter mansion http://www.faux-news.com/stories/2006/03/13/ "Who knows what diabolical plan may have seized the occupants' crazed imaginations?" said the criminologist. "We know Dr. Frankenfurter is researching android soldiers, sonic-transduction weaponry, and - worse yet - kinky sex and watersports." ABC to air Lost retrospective retrospective http://www.faux-news.com/stories/2006/02/28/ "It's a whole new concept in retrospectives," said Lost producer J.J. Abrams. Media unfair to Darth Vader http://www.faux-news.com/stories/2006/02/20/ "The hate-Vader crowd loves this story," complained Faux-News political analyst Boba Fett. Bush orders surveillance of black funerals http://www.faux-news.com/stories/2006/02/10/ Many white wingers have offered helpful criticisms of Coretta Scott King's funeral to her family. Paris Hilton missing after cruise ship wedding to Scott Peterson http://www.faux-news.com/stories/2006/02/06/ It's a yellow journalist's wet dream come true. Oprah summons the full power of the storm http://www.faux-news.com/stories/2006/01/30/ The National Weather Service has rated Oprah as a Category 5, with an 89 percent chance of striking Washington, D.C in two days. Plantation owners offended by Clinton's "plantation" remark http://www.faux-news.com/stories/2006/01/23/ "On be-haf of all the poor colored folk," said plantation owner Col. Beauregard T. White, "Ah de-maaand satisfaction." G.O.P. sued for breach of Contract with America http://www.faux-news.com/stories/2006/01/16/ "Fiscal responsibility?" asked McCoy, rhetorically. "This spending spree with our children's money? Apparently the credit card thiefs I've put behind bars over the years have been fiscally responsible!" Nosferatu promises to keep an open mind http://www.faux-news.com/stories/2006/01/11/ "No vun is above the law," sidestepped Nosferatu. "Unless, of course, they have turned into a bat!" God sues Pat Robertson for slander http://www.faux-news.com/stories/2006/01/09/ "This charlatan points at me every time something goes wrong," God complained to reporters. "Whether it's a natural disaster or somebody's got a hangnail." Bush expresses, hires Lowered Expectations http://www.faux-news.com/stories/2006/01/02/ "If you follow me on our 'date with destiny,'" Bush said, "I'll take you to some of America's remaining major cities." Cheney vote will free tiny Tim Cratchit from crutches http://www.faux-news.com/stories/2005/12/25/ "I have a soft spot in my, uh, heart for crippled children," Cheney said. "They're easier to catch." Mysterious bearded man blamed for December coal shortages http://www.faux-news.com/stories/2005/12/19/ "He's bought coal from us in previous years," Bezos said, "But never this much. The order was large enough to qualify for free shipping." Christ wants birthday used as advertising gimmick http://www.faux-news.com/stories/2005/12/12/ For two millenia, Christ's name has been restricted to the worlds of the sacred and the shocked. His latest move into the world of the profane comes as a surprise to many observers of the Son of Man. Teacher gives F- for Iraq plan handed in three years late http://www.faux-news.com/stories/2005/12/05/ "Ordinarily, we don't give F-'s," said teacher Minny McGonagall. "But I had to take something off for being so very late." Charges of "snow" are ridiculous, says Cheney http://www.faux-news.com/stories/2005/11/29/ Further accusations of snow, Cheney warned Democrats, would be met by additional adjectives. Renegade vets assist escape of Rep. John "Hannibal" Murtha http://www.faux-news.com/stories/2005/11/21/ One was overheard to say "I pity the foo' who messes with Jack Murtha." G.O.P. eager to investigate leak about CIA puppy grinding factories http://www.faux-news.com/stories/2005/11/14/ "I'm very concerned about the leak," Frist said. "The puppy-grinding factories themselves ... not so much." Solzhenitsyn enjoying "hotel," says CIA http://www.faux-news.com/stories/2005/11/07/ Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn is enjoying a stay at an posh Agency resort in eastern Europe, say sources at the CIA. Bill O'Reilly interviews Bill O'Reilly http://www.faux-news.com/stories/2005/10/31/ "We are proud," O'Reilly told viewers, "To bring you tonight's monologue ... in stereo!" Scientists: U.S. faces threat of disco fever http://www.faux-news.com/stories/2005/10/24/ "FEMA is not ready," said Dr. Hubert Dulmur, "For the awesome devastation caused by disco fever." Laura Bush refuses to rehearse any more family conversations http://www.faux-news.com/stories/2005/10/17/ "If he tells me to follow the script one more time, I'll belt him," said the first lady. Popularity of Nega-Bush rises to 62 percent http://www.faux-news.com/stories/2005/10/12/ "I like him better with the beard," said new Bush supporter Noam Chomsky. "Of course, almost any change would have been a distinct improvement." Evil Nega-Bush not so bad http://www.faux-news.com/stories/2005/10/10/ Bush's popularity grew as suddenly as his beard. New sheep justice smiles with big, pointy teeth http://www.faux-news.com/stories/2005/10/03/ "Must be an orthodontic problem," said Shep. Patrick Leahy (D-Vt.). "Maybe that's why his 'baa-ah-ah-ah' is now starting with 'bwa'." Thousands flee FEMA http://www.faux-news.com/stories/2005/09/26/ "Texans can handle hurricanes," Tucker said. "But nature don't hold a candle to the destructive power of inept administration." 38 percent still believe in Bush, Easter Bunny http://www.faux-news.com/stories/2005/09/19/ "I believe the president is competent, responsible and honest," said Alvin Samples, 57, of Cumming, Ga. "I also believe the Easter Bunny hides brightly colored eggs every Easter for good kids to find."